Faceless Angel
by Honey Beaver
Summary: PopRock Broken Lover Rewrite! E left a broken B in the forest without knowing in how much danger she truly was. A story of lost love and new friendships. Will B ever get over E? And will he ever find out that she is still alive? How will everyone cope?
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. But I wish I did.**

Prologue

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Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.  
-- Norman Cousins

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Some say that dying is the most painful thing in the world. That no matter how long you live, you will never find another pain like it. They say it burns in you while you wait for your heart to stop beating. While you watch everyone you love suffer because of you. They say you see who you truly are and who you were meant to be. Everything you know that you are not.

Others say that dying is the easiest. That it is painless and sets your soul free. That you see your life flash before your eyes and you will no longer have any regrets. There are no more unanswered questions and no more unrequited love. You will know your heart and it will set you free. Some even go as far as to say that dying can mend a broken heart.

How very wrong everyone is...

Death is not the most painful thing that ever happened to me and neither was it the easiest. It didn't set my soul free and didn't answer all my questions. Unrequited love and a broken heart is still something that I have to live with everyday. But it does get easier with help.

No, death is not the most painful, falling in love is. Death is not the easiest, falling in love is.

I might not have died from my broken heart but I did die after my heart was broken.

My name is Isabella Marie Swan, and this is the story of how I died and learned to live again.

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**AN: This is a rewrite of my other story; PopRock Broken Lover. Please let me know what you think in a review.**

**I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed my other story. It means the world to me to know that you guys like the story. Please let me know what you think of the rewrite. The story will be very different, but it will still be the same story, hopefully just a lot better. I can't wait to hear what you think :)**


	2. Chapter One: Ch ch ch ch Changes

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any songs used**

Chapter One: Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

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Thou art gone from my gaze like a beautiful dream. And I seek thee in vain by the meadow and stream.  
- by George Linley

Time may change me  
But I can't trace time  
- David Bowie (Changes)

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BPOV (Bella)

_6 Months After He Left..._

_I was back in the forest again. Running and searching. Getting more and more lost in the dark trees. All alone as usual after _he_ left me. I was getting cold and I could feel the familiar feeling of dread building in me, trying to suffocate me._

_I stopped in the middle of the dark forest clutching my chest with my one hand and resting the other on my knees dry heaving from exhaustion and the panic. After I could finally catch my breath and try to calm down I sank back into the tree behind me and wrapped my arms around my body. Trying desperately to keep myself from falling to pieces yet again._

_After what felt like hours I finally looked up and realized that I was in _our _meadow. I hated how empty the meadow felt without _him_. It was like without him the meadow had lost all its magic. It seemed dark and empty now, just like me. _

_I started getting up, feeling the urge to start searching again building ever stronger inside me. I looked over the meadow now; the grass was longer than I have ever seen it. It looked ill, heartbroken, just how I felt. The grass wasn't its normal vibrant green; instead it was a pale yellow with brown. The flowers that I once loved so much were dead, black crumpling figures. Not the once beautiful rainbow of colors that they used to be. It looked like the meadow was dying without him being here. And then I realized it wasn't the meadow that was dying without him, it was me... I started screaming._

I opened my eyes and realized I was still screaming. It was a dream, a nightmare to be more precise. The same one I've had every night since _they_ left. I quickly stifled my screams with my pillow until they finally stopped, not wanting to wake Charlie again even though he doesn't come to check up on me that often anymore. I groggily rubbed the sleep from my eyes and looked out at the grey morning light of yet another cloudy day in Forks as it filtered through my open window. The window that I never closed even thought I knew _he_ would never come through it again. I sat up in my bed and let out a long yawn as I looked over at the alarm clock next to my bed. Six-thirty… great.

Slowly I got out of bed and made my way to my over to the closet crammed of clothes, most of which I have never even worn. I took out a pair of jeans and a baggy t-shirt along with underwear and made my way to the bathroom for a nice long shower. As I got undressed I couldn't help but stare at my skinny form in the mirror. I look like I feel and I feel like I look. The young woman staring back at me looked horrible. She had a grayish almost translucent colored skin, dead brown eyes with dark circles around them, dull and lifeless brown hair and she was way too skinny. She looked ill. Like she was dying and in a way I guess she had died already.

I sighed to myself and got into the shower, letting the water run over my tired muscles to relax me. When the water ran cold I got out and got dressed. I slowly made my way into the kitchen where Charlie was sitting, reading the paper over a cup of coffee. "Morning Dad." I greeted, trying to sound as happy as possible. It didn't work. It never does anymore. Charlie glanced over the paper at me and I could see the worry in his eyes. He was scared that I would retreat into myself and that he would lose me again. As he put it, I finally woke up after almost six months of being a zombie and I don't intend to go back to that state of mind. Now that I'm awake I can't escape the pain, but I also know that I am still here. I'm still alive and I intend to try my best to live. To survive, even if it is on my own.

"Morning Bells. Do you want some breakfast?" he asked me cautiously and I tried to give him a smile. "I'll get myself some cereal." Charlie watched my every move as I threw some cereal and milk in a bowl and sat down at the table with him. "Do you have any plans for today?" He asked as I scooped some cereal into my mouth. I nodded my head as I swallowed my food down and I could have sworn I saw a spark in his eyes. "I'm going over to see Jake. We might go swimming later if the weather gets better." Charlie gave me a smile. "Good luck with that." I smiled up at him and we sat in comfortable silence until I finished my meal.

I felt a little bad about lying to Charlie, but I couldn't tell him the truth either. How do you tell your father that your ex-boyfriend is a vampire and that he left you so his brother wouldn't eat you and just because he didn't want you anymore? After all, I am just another plain and boring human. I was fooling myself to think I was ever any more than that. How do I tell him that said ex-boyfriend saved my life by killing another vampire that tried to kill me and now his mate is after me for revenge? That the only place I'm safe is with a bunch of teenage werewolves that are risking their lives just to try and keep me safe? No I couldn't tell him the truth. If I did he would have me locked away in some insane asylum and to tell the truth, I probably do belong there. After all I am hearing voices and I did jump off a cliff only a few days ago.

I got up from the table and quickly washed my bowl and spoon as Charlie watched me. "I'm off to Jake's, do you want me to bring anything back for you?" I asked as I turned to leave. "No, I think I'll go up and see Billy tonight with you. That way you won't have to cook and I get to see him again." I gave him my best smile and nodded my head before I left.

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"What is with you and that song, Bells?" Jake asked as I played the song for the twentieth time in a row while sketching in my notebook. Music used to hurt me but now, it's healing, calming. And so is sketching. I draw anything I can think of and surprisingly, I'm not that bad at it. "I just like the beginning, the part with the wolf." I told him and he smiled brightly. "Bells likes the wolf huh?" He teased for the hundredth time since I heard the song. I just rolled my eyes at him. Everything was always so easy with me and Jake. We're best friends and he's the sun in my otherwise very dark world. And even though I know Jake would like to be more than friends, he knew not to push it, and I loved him for that. We were sitting in his VW Rabbit that he was fixing up, listening to music and joking around. But in reality I was here for more than just that, I was here because my carefree best friend was also my protector.

Seth suddenly burst into the small makeshift garage panting hard. Jake spun around in his seat looking at his panicked face. "What's wrong Seth? What happened?" Seth walked closer to us still breathing hard. "I was running the path you told me to. There was someone in Bella's room. I didn't recognize the scent and I didn't see anyone near there. It wasn't the redhead." I looked over at Jake and I couldn't help the hope that I felt building in my chest. Was it _Him_? Did _He_ come back for me? "Some of the others have reported seeing someone they don't recognize as well." Jake got up and walked over to Seth. "Did any of them get a good look at the bloodsucker?" Seth shook his head. "They couldn't get close enough. All they could tell me was that it was a male." A male? Could it be my angel? I need to find out. I got out of the car and started walking towards the door. "Okay Seth, go and report your findings to Sam. Then go and get some food." Seth nodded and was out the door after he waved to me.

"Where do you think you're going?" Jake asked as I walked outside. "It's too dangerous for you to go anywhere right now Bells." I looked at him and he looked so serious. "I have to go home Jake. I need to know who was in my room. I need to know if it was one of _Them_." I didn't need to say anymore. He already knew who I was talking about. "What if it wasn't them Bells? What if it's a trap?" I looked at him and I knew it must look like I was begging. "But what if it wasn't a trap Jake? What if it was _them_ and they left me a note?" Jake shook his head and sighed. "And you would just forgive them for everything? Let them come back into your life to just leave again later?" I felt the tears start to sting my eyes as Jake yelled at me. "I love him Jake..." I said in a broken whisper. Jake only got angrier. "Fine! Do what you want, but don't come running back to me when you find out it's a trap. Or if they leave you broken again." I felt the tears run down my face as I grew angrier at him. "Fine! I won't." I yelled back and stormed out the little garage. "Fine!" I heard him yell behind me as I ran to my truck and got in. It roared to life and I sped away as quickly as my truck could. Gravel flying up everywhere behind me. I took one last look in my rear view mirror and all I saw was a very angry, shaking Jake.

Within minutes I crossed the borderline between La Push Reservation and Forks and started looking around in all the shadows, between all the trees and just everywhere. I didn't see them anywhere. Could it really have been them? Should I go straight home to see if they left me a note or should I go to their old house and see if they were there? I pressed my foot hard to the brake when I saw the stop sign and shook my head to clear it. I could hardly see where I was going, tears ran down my face blurring my vision, whether it was because of the fight with Jake or because I finally let myself hope I don't know. I decided to go home and turned right, only to be met with the flames from two days ago. She stood there in the middle of the road, looking incredibly beautiful and deadly in her cat like stance.

"Bella!" She called out to me as the truck came to a sudden stop in the middle of the deserted road. "We finally meet again. You don't know how long I have been waiting for this moment." Her voice was sugary sweet as she smiled a breathtaking smile at me.

'_Stay calm._' A velvety voice echoed in my head as I took a deep breath. "Now now Bella. Don't tell me you don't remember me?" I sat motionless in my truck. _'Answer her.' _The voice said again. "Victoria... Of-of course I remember you. How have you been? I didn't know you were in town." She let out a loud hiss. "How do you think I have been?" She snarled in my direction. _'Lie to her Bells. Tell her we're still here. I'm on my way Bells.' _

"Ca-Carlisle will be happy to know you came to visit." I said trying to sound nonchalant but my voice broke on his name. "I know they aren't here Bella. There hasn't been anyone in their house for months now. And the one that is here. Well he won't get here in time." She laughed a musical laugh as she made her way over to my truck. The first thing I could think to do was lock the doors but almost as soon as I did I knew it wouldn't be able to stop her. I started panicking even more and with shaking hands tried to start the truck back up with no avail. No... No this can't be happening. Not now... Please!

Nothing. "Now now Bella. Where do you think you're going?" The fiery redhead asked me as she unhinged the truck door with a loud thump. I scrambled to the passenger side of the truck to get further away from her as she laughed a menacing laugh. She crouched down and leaned into the truck grabbing me by the feet as I tried to kick her away, screaming. She pulled me against her body and hissed into the trees as she held me closer. "Come closer and I'll break her in half!" That's when I heard them. The wolves. I wasn't sure if I should be relieved or even more terrified that she would get them too. The first one out of the trees was the gigantic, russet brown wolf followed close by the rest of them. He let out a deafening howl and bared his teeth at her.

Sam came walking out of the trees in his human form, holding his hands in the air like some kind of gesture of peace. Victoria just hissed at him. "Any closer and she dies now." She said between clenched teeth. Jacob growled at her and Sam looked back at the rest to quiet them down. "Please. Just let the girl go. We'll let you leave." He said as he turned his attention back to the inflamed vampire holding on to me. She tightened her hold on me and I whimpered in pain. Jake took a step forward, looking ready to pounce, but Sam stopped him with a glare. "We have no quarrel with you. Just let the girl go and you can leave in peace." Sam tried to reason with her and she hissed at him again. "How about I take her with me? Like you said, the quarrel isn't between us, however, the girl and I do have some unfinished business." Sam took a cautious step forward, still holding his hands out in front of him. "I can't let you do that." Victoria moved my head back to reveal my neck to her as Sam took another cautious step forward. Jake let out another loud growl as Sam stopped him. "Didn't I warn you not to come any closer Dog?" She hissed at Sam between clenched teeth as she brought her lips closer and closer to my neck. The more I tried to squirm away from her, the tighter her hold on me got and the less I could move.

"Please... Let her go." There was a panicked edge to Sam's voice and Victoria chuckled at him. "I would rather die." She hissed and several things happened at once. I felt a sharp, painful pierce in my neck and something cut into my side, warm liquid running down it, then everything went dark. It felt like liquid nitrogen was being pulsed into my veins. It was freezing cold and yet it burned like magma. I heard a loud piercing scream of pain, once, twice, three times, before I realized it was me. There was another loud howl from the wolves and I felt my arm break as I was thrown to the ground to die. And I was sure death was coming. I could feel it creeping up to me. Victoria was laughing hysterically, taunting the wolves.

"Bells..." Jake's anguished voice rang through my cloudy mind as I felt my body start to convulse. "Jake!" My voice sounded too high and strained as I said his name. I could feel a slight pressure on my side where the liquid was coming from, but nothing could compare to the fire burning in my neck as my body thrashed around. "I'm here Bells... I'm here..." I heard him say as I continued to shake. "Jake, she was bitten. You have to stop it." I could hear someone talking to Jake and I heard a low growl coming from somewhere next to me. "No! I won't let you touch her!" My body started shaking more and more and I could feel myself losing consciousness.

"Jake, you have to... before she transforms... it won't be the same Bella when she wakes up." I could hear voices breaking through again. "I am the real Alpha and if I have to claim my birthright to save her then I will." I couldn't make out who was talking; all I could feel was the freezing burn run through my body, the shaking, the liquid, the pain... "In three days she will be one of them Jake. I can't let you do this. We don't save them Jake, we save humans." My body shook more violently and yet it felt like I was hardly moving. I heard a loud growl again. "I am the real Alpha; I will not listen to you any longer." Another loud growl and more quiet.

"Jared, Paul, you two go after the redhead. Embry, Sam, destroy her truck; make it look like an accident. I'm going to take her somewhere safe." I felt air sweep across my whole body for an unmeasured amount of time until it finally stopped and I was lowered onto something softer than the ground, but harder than a bed. "Shhhh Bells... you're going to be alright. I won't let anything happen to you. I promise." I could feel Jake's warm hands touch my face and I squirmed under his touch. It was like his touch only made the burn worse. "It hurts..." I squeaked out and flinched at the sound of my voice. "Burns..." I rasped out again as the burning spread further into my body until I could feel it in the tips of my fingers and toes.

"I'm sorry Bells... I don't know what to do..." I felt my body move back and forth and realized that Jake was holding me. He was rocking us and no matter how scared I was right now, he was even more scared. I tried to relax my body as much as possible and vowed to myself that I won't make another sound. I refuse to let Jake see in how much pain I am.

Everything went quiet again as I lay burning in Jakes arms. When I could finally hear again I realized we weren't alone. "No, she hasn't moved again." I heard Jake say to his companion. "Do you think she'll be alright?" I heard another voice ask that I couldn't place. "I don't know... I don't know if there is enough venom in her system. I can hardly smell it on her..." Someone sighed. "You need to prepare yourself for the worst Jake." I could hear Jake force out a laugh. "What is the worst Sam? If she dies or if she turns into one of them?" There was a long pause where no one said anything. The only sounds were their heartbeats and steady breathing that I focused on. "If she does change, what are you going to do? She'll be your enemy Jake." I felt my body start shaking lightly. Is Jake still holding me? How long have we been here? Where is here?

"Bella will never be the enemy. She's different. She won't be like the rest of them." Another sigh. "We're made to destroy them Jake. That is why we are like this." A loud growl burst through Jake as my body shook with more force. "No one touches her! That is an order from your Alpha!" What did Jake mean it's an order from the Alpha? Wasn't Sam the Alpha? What was happening around me? All I wanted to do was scream at them to tell me what was going on. To stop talking about me like I wasn't even in the same room. To tell them to kill me so the burning could stop...

I continued burning for an immeasurable amount of time. I could hear Jake talking to me, telling me stories of bats and wolves running together. My hands started clenching and unclenching as the burning inferno got even warmer. I felt like I could combust. Like the fire wasn't just inside of me, but crawling on my skin. Licking it off slowly. "You're burning up Bells... Even warmer than me..." Jakes soft whisper broke through the burn in my mind and all I wanted to do was comfort him. To tell him lies. Tell him that I'm okay even if I'm not. I could hear him getting up and shuffling around. "I'll be right back Bells. I promise." What? Where is he going? I wanted to open my mouth and ask him to stay, to not leave me alone, but I couldn't trust my voice.

I'm not sure how long Jake was gone. It could have been minutes, hours or even seconds. All I knew now was the burn. The fire burning within me. Killing me. "Bells? Are you still okay?" I felt Jake take my hand into his and give it a squeeze. "I'm worried Bells. I haven't seen you move in hours... I need to know you're still in there... I need to know you're still fighting... squeeze my hand Bells... Scream... Just please do something!" I could hear the panic in Jakes voice and it was filled with pain. Pain that I was causing him. I wanted to tell him I was still here, that I was still alright more than anything. I wanted to squeeze his hand, but I know that I would probably end up breaking it with the force from the burn. Then suddenly there was coldness. For a brief second I could feel the burn ease a bit on my head and then come back. Again and again I felt the coolness. First on my forehead, then my arms and legs, my stomach, my neck. The coolness disappeared almost as soon as it came but it was there and it was sweet relief.

"You like that huh?" Jake asked and I could hear a smile in his voice. I wanted to smile back at him and reassure him and I tried. "I thought you might like it." I heard him chuckle and it was the sweetest sound after the pain I heard earlier. "You're so strong Bells. I wish you could see yourself like I see you. I bet you're in more pain than I can imagine, and yet, you have a smile on your face. Just to make me feel better. You truly are one amazing girl." Jakes' voice drifted away again for a long time as I continued to burn. I counted my own heartbeats to know how much time passed until I heard my heart speed up.

My heart started beating faster and faster and for the first time the burn started going out of my hands and feet only to readjust itself into my now flying heart. I wanted to scream out in pain but I knew I couldn't do that to Jake. Instead I clenched and unclenched my hands, trying to distract my mind. Get it to focus on the numbness in my hands instead of the fire now burning only in my heart.

"Hang in there Bells. It won't be long now... everything will be over soon. I promise." I heard a slight hope in Jakes' voice and it calmed me. "I'll be right back." I could hear Jake leaving and I couldn't stop the whimper from coming out. I was alone again, alone to burn. My heart sped up incredibly and the burning intensified beyond all believes. And then I got thirsty. There was a dry burning in my throat and I knew then that this was all ending. I listened to my heart as it started beating slower again. Slower and slower until it started skipping beats. Slower and slower until it stopped. A loud piercing howl of pain shattered through my ears and I instinctively grabbed onto them. The sound was so loud that it hurt.

Slowly I opened my eyes. The light was so bright and I could see so much. I was in a cave of sorts, lying on a bed made out of grass and leaves and I could see everything. Every detail of the cave wall, every little hole, even the dust particles in the air. There was so much to take in. I could see so many colors in the light floating into the cave. There was even another color that I didn't have a name for. An eight color rainbow. I moved to sit up and even before the thought of moving totally registered in my mind, I was already sitting up. There was so much room in my mind and I realized that I could think of more than one thing at a time. It was disorientating to say the least.

I heard a twig snap and instinct took over. The next thing I knew, I was hunched against the wall in a defensive position, a loud hiss escaping my lips. There at the cave entrance stood a great big russet brown wolf with a dozen red roses in his mouth. My mind registered that it was only Jake and my body relaxed and straightened up while still pressed against the cave wall. He took two big steps back and disappeared out of sight and I couldn't hide the hurt and disappointment I felt. Was he that repulsed in me? I sank to the floor waiting for the tears to start falling, but they never came.

Another twig snapped and my head jerked up towards the sound. There stood Jake, my Jake, in his human form holding a dozen red roses in his hands. His expression was one of caution but he didn't look repulsed. I let out a sigh of relief as he took a cautious step towards me. He had his hands out in front of him, the same way Sam had his when he was going closer to Victoria and I realized that Jake was scared of me. He was scared that I would attack him. I sat there as still as I could, which surprisingly wasn't difficult at all, as he made his way closer to me.

"Bells..." I heard him whisper, but I didn't answer. I just looked up at him and whatever he saw in my face made him stop. He seemed to think something over and then fell softly down onto his knees where he stood. Roses still in hand. He cleared his throat and I watched as his Adams apple bobbed slightly up and down. I could feel the slight burn in my throat again but I knew that it wasn't Jake that I wanted. He didn't smell appetizing at all. I raised my hand to cup my throat and Jake looked at me like it was the first time he's ever seen me. He still looked the same to me, only there was a whole lot more to him now. I could see that he had a slight dimple on his left cheek and that he was even better looking than my human eyes gave him credit for. He took a cautious step forward on his knees.

"On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?" Jake spoke softly, almost seductively as he raised the hand with the roses towards me. A peace offering. An offering to make sure I was still me. And I knew exactly what he wanted from me. "Will he offer me his mouth?" a soft musical voice asked and I'm sure we both shared the same look of surprise and wonder at that bell like voice that came from my throat. "Yes." He answered me in a sibilant whisper as he met my eyes. I cringed at the thought of what my eyes must look like. Red, like a monster. "Will he offer me his teeth?" The musical voice asked again. "Yes." There was a small growl in his voice. "Will he offer me his jaws?" The musical voice cooed. "Yes." He growled out. More urgent this time the musical voice asked. "Will he offer me his hunger?" and I raised my hand to my throat again, feeling the thirst burn. "Yes." He answered softly, sadly. The musical voice grew even more urgent now. "Again, will he offer me his hunger?" Jakes' eyes looked sadly at me and he answered in almost a whisper. "Yes."

The musical voice, my voice, grew dark as I asked. "And will he starve without me?" A loud growl was building in his chest as he answered loudly. "Yes!" I looked at his beautiful face and I couldn't help the smile that tugged at my lips. "Then, does he love me?" I asked in a gentle, soft voice. "Yes." He answered in a sweet loving voice. "Yes..." I said softly as I looked at him. "On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?" he all but yelled at me and my smile just grew as I answered. "Yes." He smirked at me. "I bet you say that to all the boys." We both started laughing. That was the song I listened to, before our fight.

"I only say that to one boy." I said while smiling and he grinned back at me. "Bells..." Before the thought even completely registered in my mind, I was already hugging on to Jake. He pulled me closer to him and we both gave a little sigh. Jake was the first to pull away and I couldn't help but feel sad, like I did something wrong. "Don't take this the wrong way Bells, but you really need a shower... you stink..." He said while sniffing me. I felt my face scrounge up and I sniffed myself. I could smell something, but it wasn't coming from me. I followed the smell with my nose and it led to Jake. I started sniffing him lightly, my nose wrinkling even more. "It's not me... It's you Jake." I said while sniffing him again and he burst out laughing. "I guess we smell bad to each other." I joined in and then suddenly stopped when I heard the bells. Jake looked at me with a small smile. "If you think your voice is different, you should see what you look like."

I looked down at my blood stained clothes and I saw my pale, glittering hands for the first time. I sucked in a deep breath as I turned my hands over, examining them. I looked like one of _Them_... I _am_ one of them... if you offered this to me six months ago; I would have gladly accepted it, but now. I don't want this. Not anymore. I never wanted it to happen like this. I wanted _Him_ to change me. I wanted to spend forever with _Him_, not alone. A loud sob broke through my throat and Jakes' warm, safe arms were around me instantly as he just let me cry my dry tears.

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AN: Hey guys. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I just wanted to say thank you to Mysterious Soula who is my Beta. She got this chapter back to me quicker than I thought she would. I also want to thank La-Tua-Cantante-172 for being a faithful reader and good friend to me. Thank you for always listening to me talk about the story ha ha ha

Please leave me a review and tell me what you think of the story, and if you're still interested in reading more. Also, there is a link on my profile to the Faceless Angel Forum. If you have any questions about the story you can post it on there or leave it in a review and I'll answer it for you.

Thanks for reading, now review ha ha :D


	3. Chapter Two: Life after death

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any songs used**

**AN: Italics are thoughts that Edward listens to.**

Chapter Two: Life after death

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Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

- Kahlil Gibran

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Six months, three days and five hours ago I told my one and only love that I didn't love her anymore. That I did not want her. I lied. But she doesn't know that. I left her crying in the forest by her house, screaming my name, and it broke my dead heart. I wanted to turn around and go back, tell her I was sorry and beg her to take me back. To tell her just how much I loved her and to tell her I'll never leave again. Instead, I am sitting in some dull town that I cannot even remember the name of while my family blames me for everything.

Alice hates me for making her leave Bella, and I deserve every ounce of hatred that her little body could give me. I made her leave her best friend, her sister, without even saying goodbye. And now I'm forcing her to not even look for Bella's future. I deserve all her hate and more. Jasper blames himself for me leaving Bella, no matter how hard I try to convince him that no matter what, things would have still worked out this way. He hates me for making Alice so sad and my own sadness cripples him daily. He can't even stand to be in the same room as me for longer than a few hours.

Emmett changed a lot after we left Forks. He isn't his carefree self anymore, although he still keeps up the pretence. He and Rose are always travelling lately, not staying at home for more than a few days at a time before leaving again to some unknown destination. He probably has the strongest resentment against me for making us leave. He doesn't have to say it, but I know that the reason they keep travelling is because he can't stand to look at me. His mind is always a mess when they come home; he's always running and always late. It's very frustrating when you try to find out what is really bothering him, when all he thinks about is his newest game.

Rose is the worst to be around. All she ever thinks about is herself and how all of this affects her. She hates me for making us leave Forks and always has to remind me that she told me this would end badly. It has never been a secret that she hated Bella, but the pleasure she felt the day I told them that we needed to leave was infuriating. Alice thinks that it's just a pretence, that Rosalie actually really likes Bella, that it's just Bella's decisions and her love for me that makes her hate Bella. And being that angry keeps her from having to deal with the pain of losing a sister.

Then there is Carlisle, my father for all purposes, I made him leave his daughter behind and even though he has every right to hate me, he doesn't. He still respects my choice even though he made it quite clear that he thought it was the wrong one. Thanks to me he has to teach night classes at the university here and even though he doesn't mind it. We all know how much he loved his job in Forks. We all loved it in Forks, where we had the freedom to walk around during the day and going to school. I never thought I would miss going to school.

Esme, my dear mother, she makes me hate myself even more for leaving Bella. She mourns the loss of her daughter every day. She does hide it well, saying that she is working on some new plans, when we both know that she is reliving her memories with Bella. Her eyes would light up every time we walk by someone with brown hair, only to go back to her perfectly collected appearance before anyone could see. She has no resentment towards me for making us leave, and thus I have an even bigger reason to hate myself even more.

My Bella. Even thinking her name hurts. But I have to keep thinking it. Not thinking her name feels like forgetting even though my vampire mind could never forget her. Not thinking about her, makes it feel like it never really happened, like this was all just some kind of bizarre dream. My time with Bella was so much better than a dream though...

"Edward? You okay? Your emotions are all over the place." Jasper's voice brought me back to the present and I tried to give him a reassuring smile. "I'm fine, don't worry. Just thinking." Jasper nodded his head and I could see the guilt in his eyes before he looked away. Alice, Jasper, and I were sitting in our living room, or as Emmett calls it, the dead room. Alice was yet again insisting that we watch a movie. Lately she has been including me in almost all of her and Jasper's plans and it was really starting to get on my nerves.

"Well stop thinking and start watching mister; you don't want me to give you a pop quiz after the movie do you?" Alice had an evil smile on her face and I knew that she meant it. But why do we have to watch The Devil Wears Prada? Hasn't she seen it enough times by now? I just rolled my eyes at her and she seemed happy with it because she turned her head back to the TV. We sat like that, in comfortable silence for a long time until Alice screamed and started rocking back and forth.

"Alice? What's wrong? What did you see?" Alice had a look of utter horror on her face and was visibly shaking. She turned her head towards me and I could see all the pain in her eyes. "Bella..." She said but broke off. I grabbed her by her shoulders, looking right into her eyes; her mind for once was a total blank. Not even one thought. "Alice, show me, I need to see." I was pleading with her now; I need to know what was wrong.

Alice showed me Forks, Bella's house to be more precise, there were about five cars parked in front of it. Billy Black who I remember from La Push was there and his son Jacob who was crying, Newton and his father was there too, and so was Mr Webber. Then in the vision I could hear Billy talking to Charlie. "I'm sorry Charlie, we still haven't found her. I don't think we will... The doctor thinks it best to pronounce her." What were they talking about? Was something wrong with Bella? Did she run away from home? What did he mean by pronouncing her?

Then the vision suddenly changed to Bella's truck wrapped around a tree, a glowing fire surrounding it. There were maybe 20 different people standing around it, trying to put the raging fire out but not succeeding. Then everything went black again. Alice looked broken and I felt dead.

"How long?" I asked knowing that she would understand. _I'm not sure Edward, you told me not to look for her so I don't, and this vision came out of nowhere. But I don't think we have long. I don't know if she is... I mean I can't tell if she was in there or not. I don't think she was. _I looked at her like she was crazy "Why do you say that?" _I didn't see her, normally with visions like that... I would have seen her... her last moments Edward, I don't think she's... dead. _I cringed at the word and I could tell that she believed every word she thought. She believed my Bella was still okay, but I had to know. I can't risk her life again. I would go back and never leave her again; I would make her safe no matter what. I would stay with her forever even if she didn't want me back.

Alice finally spoke aloud "I'm going with you." And before I could argue with her she added "She is my best friend Edward, I love her too." I let out a big sigh and looked around at my family that were now standing beside me and Alice. "Go get her son, bring her home" Carlisle said with a big grin on his face. "Go get my daughter and tell her we love her." Esme said full of motherly love towards me and my Bella. "Take care of Alice for me; she has my heart you know." Jasper said aloud, his southern accent shining through. _Go now and find your own Edward_ he added in his head. I could not help but smile at  
my family, even if we were missing two members, because Emmett and Rose  
were on another one of their trips.

I finally found my voice. "Thank you everyone. Alice lets go, we have to hurry." My little pixie like sister was already at the door waiting for me, bouncing on the balls of her feet from excitement and anxiety with a bag of clothes in her hand. Alice and I didn't speak much as we drove to the airport; she called ahead and got us onto the next plane to Seattle. After that it would just be the drive back to Forks and then I'd be able to beg Bella for her forgiveness.

It took us one whole day to get to forks and like usual it was raining. The streets were empty, a good sign and the only car in front of Charlie's house was his police cruiser. I couldn't help but smile at Alice who looked just as relieved as I felt. We were going to be on time. Bella was still safe and I would spend the rest of my existence begging her to forgive me.

We pulled into the driveway and made our way to the front door. Alice was already knocking when I got there, unable to hold her excitement in any longer. She smiled up at me and I smiled back at her. Charlie opened the door and his face was that of numbness. No emotion shining through at all, not even anger at seeing us. He moved out of the way gesturing for us to follow him inside. He led us to the living room and the first thing I noticed were all the beer cans on the coffee table and that the TV was off. He sat on the chair and picked up one of the cans. Alice looked up at me then and she looked scared. Charlie grunted and motioned for us to sit. We sat down on the love seat looking at Charlie. His mind wasn't blank, but it was numb, I couldn't read any of his thoughts. I wonder how many beers he has had today.

With a heavy sigh he started to speak, not looking at me or Alice, but instead looking at a notebook lying on the coffee table next to the beer cans. "I'm surprised you heard so quickly... Not even everyone in Forks knows yet." Alice looked up at him, her eyes wide unable to hide her fear. "Heard what so quickly, Charlie?" She asked her voice shaky. He looked up at us then and I could see his eyes were bloodshot. He looked like he had been crying for hours on end. Then it finally hit me, we were too late. "There was an accident yesterday... Bella drove of the road... she hit a big tree and the truck set on fire. The doctors pronounced her... dead... we never found her body... they said that the fire was too hot, that she just melted away..." He spoke in a dead lifeless voice, tears running down his cheeks. Alice started sobbing uncontrolled next to me. We thought we were in time but we were too late. She was gone... My Bella was gone and I could never tell her how much I loved her ever again. My Bella... She died thinking I didn't love her. I started sobbing then, long heartbroken sobs. I slid down to the ground and pulled my legs to my chest, wrapping my arms tight around me to try and keep myself together.

Charlie got up from his chair and sat next to me on the floor with his arm around my shoulder. "She loved you too, you do know that right? I don't know what happened between the two of you in the forest that day, but I do know she never stopped loving you. And I can see you never stopped loving her either." I sobbed even harder after he said that and he shoved the notebook he was staring at earlier into my arms. "It's a diary of sorts, she started it after you left, and it's full of pictures and poems. Her thoughts and even song lyrics. I think she would have wanted you to have it." He gave my shoulder a squeeze and went to comfort Alice on the love seat. "Thank you." I managed to choke out after what felt like hours.

We ended up staying for the funeral. The whole town was there, everyone but Jacob Black, who I was told was her best friend since I left. His father said he was too sad to come and that he would make it up to her one day. We buried an empty coffin that Charlie, Sam, Mike and I carried. Everyone's minds were full of grieve for their lost friend. Charlie and Renee were holding onto each other as the coffin was lowered into the ground and covered with dirt while Phil just looked on with redlined eyes. Slowly everyone started leaving until it was just Charlie, Alice and I. I sat next to her grave stone running my hand over the fresh soil. Charlie turned around then and walked away. Promising that he would come and visit as much as possible.

Alice bent down next to me and whispered in my ear. "I know what you're thinking Edward, and Bella wouldn't want you to do it. She would want you to live on and be happy. Think of it as her last wish. Think of it as how you can make it all up to her. She would want you to live Edward." I gave her a hug then and said "I know Alice; we actually had a similar conversation about that a long time ago." _When we get back we're moving here, we need to be closer to her. I want to be able to bring her fresh flowers every day. _"No Alice, I can't stay here in Forks without her." _How about Seattle then? It's still close enough to run here and back and the boarding school there is supposed to be really good. I heard they love musicians there. We can join it once everyone is ready... _"Fine Alice, Seattle it is." I told her, although I knew that I wouldn't be able to stay.

A few hours after the funeral we were back on a plane heading to our home away from home to deliver the worse news possible. All we could think about was how to tell everyone what happened. Alice drove us home at a slow pace that neither one of us complained about and got out the car at a human speed. I looked over and saw that Emmet's jeep was in the driveway just as Alice had the same surprised thought. I shrugged at her. "I guess this just makes it easier Alice. Let's go..." We slowly walked to the front door and Alice pushed it open with a small squeak of the doorframe.

"Everyone, please come in to the dining room." Alice called as we crossed the foyer into the dining room that we use for family meetings. It's not like we would ever use it for anything else. Carlisle and Esme were the first ones to enter, followed shortly by Jasper. Their thoughts were all so hopeful that we might be going home now that everything is sorted out. Esme especially sounded hopeful. She couldn't wait to see her daughter again and it broke my heart even further. Jasper was the first to notice that something was wrong and immediately came over to hold Alice's hand and gave her a soft kiss on the forehead.

Rose was the next one to come in and I would be lying if I said that it wasn't good to see my sister again. To my amazement her thoughts were full of planning their next trip, even though they just got back the day after we left for Forks. Emmett was the last to enter and he looked like he was in a daze. I tried to read his thoughts but they were all messed up. They were all blurs of running through a green forest as fast as he can. I couldn't make out if he was running to or away from it. I raised my eyebrows at him in silent question and he just shrugged and showed me he was playing one of those war games on his play station. I nodded my head at him as I took a seat at one of the chairs.

"Please sit down everyone..." I asked in a deadly calm voice that surprised me. Everyone sat down slowly, their thoughts confused and careful. Esme sat on my left with Carlisle next to her and Alice and Jasper sat on my right. Rose sat down next to Jasper and Emmett moved to stand behind her chair. "I'll stand. I also have some news after you say yours." I looked over at my big lump of a brother and just nodded my head as I started to speak to the table.

"As you all know, Alice had a vision of Bella being in danger and we went back to Forks to try and help her. However, when we got there, we were too late..." I spoke in a heavy voice trying my best to not break down again. To be strong for my family. All their thoughts went from confusion to understanding to pain and then to pity. Esme started sobbing loudly as Carlisle held her to his side, his chest moving just as hard up and down from suppressed sobs. "No Edward, she can't be?" Esme chocked out between sobs and I had to look away from her. "I'm sorry mom... Bella... Bella is no longer with us... Her funeral was yesterday. We wanted to invite you all to come, but we didn't think Chief Swan would be able to handle it." Esme just nodded between her sobs. "How is he Edward? Is he handling everything alright? Does he need anything?" Carlisle always the practical one, if it wasn't such a bad time I would have smiled. "He is handling it as well as can be expected. What he needs the most; none of us can give him." Carlisle nodded. "And you, my son?" I looked over at my father then and felt like a little kid for the first time in so long. "I don't know... I feel lost. Bella didn't want me to follow her so I can't and now I just feel... lost. Like I have no more purpose." I said in honesty and he just nodded.

"It's all your fault! You know that right? You never should have made us leave!" Rose started yelling at me with so much fury that I cringed away from her. She was suddenly furious at me and all her thoughts were centred on losing her sister. I just nodded my head, not trusting my voice. "Rose!" Esme scolded but Rosalie was right. This is my entire fault. Rosalie got up and stormed out the room and into the garage while Emmet suddenly spoke up. "We're leaving. Rosalie and I are already packed. We're going to travel the world. Do some sightseeing." I tried to read his mind but it was just filled with pain and the same video game from before. Carlisle nodded to him. "Take as much time as you need my son." Esme started sobbing even louder and her thoughts were pained. Instead of losing one daughter, in her mind she was losing half of her children. "Emmett, won't you stay for at least another week?" I tried to convince him to stay, for Esme's sake. "No, I already made up my mind a few days ago. I am not going to change it. I'm sorry mom; I just can't stay here right now." He was looking at Esme and she nodded at him. She understood how he is feeling. His thoughts on the other hand were still a mess about the same thing, that stupid video game. They were starting to make me angry. He just found out that Bella... is dead... and all he can think about is his stupid video games.

Before I could get angrier with Emmett for his thoughts, he and Rose left for their trip. It was as if they just stayed long enough to get the news and then leave. Jasper put a calming hand on my shoulder and spoke softly. "I can feel your frustration Edward, all I can tell you is that Emmett was feeling a lot of guilt. In addition, his pain is almost as strong as yours is. I don't know what he has to feel guilty about, but I guess it's because they were leaving at such a bad time." I let out a sigh and nodded at Jasper. I guess he is right. Emmett was just feeling bad for leaving at such a bad time, and the video game was just his coping mechanism so he could stay strong for his family.

--- / --- \ ---

Time passes very slowly for me now. It has been two weeks since Alice and I returned with the news and yet it feels like months or years should have passed us by now. We were in Seattle now, Carlisle had a new job at one of the local hospitals, and Esme took to restoring old buildings in the area to keep herself busy. Emmett phoned last night, him and Rose are in Europe now, they do not have any plans to come back as of right now. Alice and Jasper try to spend time with me but Jasper struggles too much when we are in the same room for too long. I am a burden to my family now more than ever. A real monster, sucking the life out of them, just as a vampire should. I let out a dark chuckle at my thoughts and shook my head for the hundredth time this last hour.

How do you tell your family that you are planning to leave them? Therefore, you can get away from their pain and stop hurting them with your own. To let them live while you slowly die from the inside out. If only I did not make my Bella that promise all those months ago, I would have had a chance to be with her right now. If there truly were an afterlife for us monsters, I would be with my Bella. And if there was not, well it was a risk I would have gladly taken, just for the chance of seeing my Bella again. Ahhh... Her name... Her sweet, sweet name... It brings so many good memories and so much pain... Nevertheless, I have to keep thinking it. I will not allow myself to forget her. I cannot.

There was a soft knock on my door. "Come in Alice." I let out a soft sigh as she silently made her way into my room and sat down on the bed next to me. "You're leaving." I sighed again and nodded. There was no point in denying it. I was leaving. "You're going to break Esme's heart." She said softly and I just shook my head. "I broke her heart when I left Bella..." Alice stayed quiet for a long time, both of us just staring out of the window, at the grey sky of Seattle. "I don't know for how long the family will stay together after you leave. Emmett and Rose are already gone. When you leave, Esme will be heartbroken... Jasper and I will have to leave... I do not know what is going to happen to us all. I cannot see it. I do not want to see it. I cannot stand using my ability anymore... I don't know what to do anymore Edward." Alice started sobbing softly and I did the only thing I knew to, I put my arm around her small shoulders and just let her cry her dry tears into my shoulder.

"I miss her so much Edward..." I rubbed soothing circles into her back as she continued to cry. "We all do Alice... That is why I have to leave. I cannot be around all of you while we are all still grieving. It hurts too much Alice. Please understand. I am not leaving because I want to; I am leaving because I have to. If I do not leave... I am going to break... Do you understand?" Alice inhaled a shaky breath while nodding her head slowly. "I understand... I am sorry for crying. I know it's the last thing you need right now." I hugged Alice closer to me. "That's what big brothers are for." I gave her a small kiss against her forehead and she got up to leave. "We're all going to miss you Edward. I don't need to use my ability to know that." I gave her a small smile. "I'm going to miss you all too. But I'll be back pixie; I just need a little time." She gave me a small smile before she left the room and I was left alone again with all my memories of my sweet Bella.

--- / --- \ ---

A week after Alice and I spoke I was on a plane to Alaska. Where I will be staying at the Denali's for a while, and then when I am ready, I will go back home to my family. Until then I will be out here where I can be alone, this way both my family and I can grieve and hopefully heal enough to be around each other once more. The four-hour plane ride and one hour run to get to their house was the longest five hours I have had since finding out that my Bella was gone. I was visibly shaking by the time the Denali house came into view. For once, I could not push the thoughts of Bella away. It was as if the white snow was pushing in on me, suffocating me in all my memories.

I walked toward the house at a human pace, trying to regain some of my strength and composure before anyone could see me in this state, but I was yet again too late... The door of the house in front of me opened and a beautiful strawberry blond young woman stood in the doorway with her arms open for me. "Oh Edward..." She took me into her soft warm arms and I could not hold the sobs back any longer. I broke down with her electric touch surrounding me...

--- \ --- / ---

AN: Hey guys, sorry for the massively long wait. RL has just been hectic lately and has been kicking inspirations butt ha ha. I hope this chapter was worth the wait! And thank you to my BETA for all the advice on this chapter.

Let me know what you guys think in a review. I will send everyone that reviews a sneak peek for the next chapter.


	4. To All My Wonderful Readers

**To all my Wonderful Readers.**

I am very sorry to say that unfortunately I will be pulling both my stories for now. I am not pulling for publishing or anything like that so don't worry. The reason I stopped working on PopRock was that I wanted to spend some time and rewrite it, to make it better, for both you the readers and me the author. That was how Faceless Angel was born and that is also how the story died. In the end, many real life things happened to me and I had to stop writing for a long time, but as you can see, I am back now. I am removing the two stories in just over a months' time (1st of June), gives you all the time to finish reading the stories/read them one more time before they will be gone for good.

I am hoping that after this month's time that I will have at least 5 chapters written for the story which will hopefully stay with the name Faceless Angel – unless I come up with something better :-P. (Opinions are LOVED). I will then start to post one chapter every week, probably on a Friday, but I will put a poll on my profile so you, my readers, can help decide posting days. I will post the Prologue first and then a day or two (depending on circumstances) later the first chapter will go up.

I am warning you now that there is going to be many changes to the story. The way I see the story in my head was just not working out the right way on paper until I made some drastic changes. I am happy to say that it is all going pretty well right now and the inspiration juices are finally flowing properly again. I hope you all will stick with me through this period of change and fall in love with the story in the same way that I have. I promise you all a much better story this time around.

If you haven't done so yet, please add me to your Author Alerts so that you will get the email when I do start posting the new story in June. I know it seems like a long time away but it will be worth the wait, I promise! Please also do not hesitate to contact me through PM or email (cutehoneybeaver at gmail dot com) about the story or even just to chat.

I want to say THANK YOU so much to all of you who have read my stories so far, who have added it to favourites and especially to those of you who have reviewed. It means the world to me that there is someone out there reading my story and loving it as much as I am. For a girl that has always wanted to be a writer, but knows she will never have the talent, that truly does mean the world. So THANK YOU all again.

I will let you all go now with a last request of a review to let me know what you think of what I have said. I really do hope you all will stick with the story and me.

Thank you again,

Juanita (HoneyBeaver)

**PS** I am in need of a Beta for my story as well as a pre-reader or two. If you think you would be interested, please let me know through review, PM or email. Betas will receive the next chapter either as soon as I am done with it, or when the previous chapter is posted. Pre-readers will get the chapter as soon as the Beta is finished with it or 3-4 days before the posting date so changes can still be made if necessary. I think that is it for now. Updates on the story, Beta, pre-readers etc will be posted on my profile so remember to check in there occasionally.


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